“What did you expect, look at what you are wearing.”

Excerpt from the story Me Too from page 70 from my memoir “The Great Unlearning.”

Me Too addresses the all too familiar topic of sexual harassment and assault, but in my case, while riding a bike down a busy stretch of highway in Honolulu while training for my first triathlon.

Excerpt from Me Too

“Near the end of my magnificent twenty-five-mile ride along that breathtaking stretch of Hawaiian coastline, I noticed a blue compact Toyota along side of me and could hear (and feel) Burning Down the House by the Talking Heads blaring through its closed windows. Four boisterous boys in the car were laughing and carrying on as cans of Budweiser beer sloshed all over them.

My first thought was the hope that they would make it to wherever they were going without hurting themselves, or other people. But as one of the boys in the back seat rolled his window down and shouted, “Hey baby, want to sit on my face?” and the other three laughed hysterically, I let out a huff of disgust. Keeping my eyes on the road while clipping along at twenty miles an hour, although the other traffic was speeding up, the blue Toyota maintained its pace with me which enabled the drunk boy in the front passenger seat to lean out the window just far enough to reach me. As the others in the car cheered on this floundering boy, the driver swerved into the bike lane and took his right hand off the steering wheel in order to hold onto the idiot boy’s left leg so he wouldn’t fall out of the car. The idiot then grabbed my breasts with both hands, squeezed them hard, and refused to let go as the other boys ramped up their drunken shouts of approval.

Sobbing, and making unrecognizable sounds, I stopped pedaling but continued to be pulled along by the moving car. As I gripped the handlebars with all my might, and avoided crashing by not braking, I had to endure being dragged by my breasts as other cars whizzed by.

When the boy decided it was over, and finally let go, I screamed and cursed while he and his friends shrieked with laughter as their car sped ahead, swerving almost out of control…”

You can listen to me read the whole story by visiting my podcast on Spotify. Or support me by purchasing a copy of “The Great Unlearning” on this site.

Author Reflection

After reading this story for my podcast, these thoughts came to mind:

I understand why women don’t want to speak out about sexual harassment or assaults; it’s humiliating and can be quite risky. Victims don’t want to be perceived as victims, there is fear of not being believed, a risk of retaliation from their perpetrator, fear of being perceived as an attention seeker, and there is a significant risk of victim-blaming, which I have experienced.

For instance, I was a recipient of “victim-blaming” after being assaulted on my bicycle while training for my first triathlon, when a police officer said, “What did you expect, look at what you were wearing.” See the photo below, that is what I was wearing.

On a different occasion, when I was raped at sixteen, I experienced victim-blaming with comments like; why didn’t you run away or fight back? Were you drinking alcohol at the time? Did you lead him on? You should have been more careful.

Being silent about my sexual assaults only compounded the emotional and psychological aftermath from the violations to my body and spirit. I had uncomfortable flashbacks, experienced emotional outbursts and anger, often felt moody, irritable, and anxious.

When I took the first healing step to speak up, I started the healing journey of overcoming shame, guilt, fear of judgment, and rejection. There was power in breaking my silence even though it was painful and emotionally draining.

But by sharing my stories, I started growing my self-worth into an unshakable force.

The most empowering and monumental steps to my healing was to write about them for my memoir, “The Great Unlearning.”

It is my sincere hope that my stories help other women to come forward about their sexual assaults and begin or find themselves further along on their healing journey.

To listen to me read Me Too, and more stories from my book, head over to my podcast on Spotify.